Let me start this entry by saying I am not much of a strip joint guy. I would guess I have been to less then 5 or 6 in my life and every single time except one (the one in this story) has been for someones birthday or stag party. I am by no means a prude and love seeing naked ladies as much as anyone, in fact as I sit minding my own business typing this story I am watching my neighbours having sex. They have made no attempt to close their blinds and I don’t have any in my home office. They can clearly see me so I have to assume they are doing it for my benefit…..since I have seen them go at it at least 6 times and to be honest, it ain’t as sexy as you would think.
But I digress.
Since this is my first story that involves friends you will notice I don’t use real names. To understand why check out this earlier post.
When I was younger and less responsible, my friend George Clooney and I used to call up professional sports teams and say we were from a fictional magazine requesting press credentials. Surprisingly this worked more often then it didn’t. Using this method we not only got into a bunch of free baseball games (including the media meals) but we also had access to the players dressing rooms and the field for batting practice etc. About 8 or 9 years ago we made arrangements to “Cover” the San Diego Padres playing the Pirates in Pittsburgh. This was cool because Tony Gwynn was one of my favorite players and I also arranged to have a 20 minute one on one sit down interview with him a few hours before the game….and I still have the tape but this entry isn’t about baseball.
As I mentioned before, Strip Joints just ain’t my thing but for George, well he loved them….loves them so much that he not only scouted clubs to visit on our trip to Pittsburgh beforehand on the Internet but he also downloaded some coupons for us to get in for free!
I don’t remember the name of the club but I do remember that it was a dirty little basement place with not so pretty girls. When we got there we took our seat on perverts row and much to my surprise, the girls didn’t get naked! I had no idea that strippers in the states could not get fully naked if the club served booze and as someone who isn’t that interested in nudie bars to begin with I certainly ain’t interested in half nudie bars that are charging me $9 for a non alcoholic drink. For those confused by this I should point out that in Canada (where I am from) stippers get fully naked in every club….no pasties ever!
Needless to say I got bored pretty quick and found a seat near the TV so I could watch the toob rather then a boob. Apparently this was seen as some sort of challenge for the girls because I suddenly was getting a lot of attention. Girl after girl came over to offer me dances…..all were politely declined until one girl sat down and asked me why I came to a club just so I could watch TV. We chatted for a while and I explained that I got the impression that this particular group of “ladies” only saw the worst in men and there was nothing really sexy about a girl dancing for me while she is thinking about being a million miles away. Apparently this was funny to her since she started laughing. She then invited over more girls to hang out and they told me some pretty funny “on the job” stories. This went on for a while and at the end of the night one of the girls asked if I would be interested in having sex with her…..I responded with the only thing I could think of……. (and in hindsight I realize this is super insulting but you have to remember that I was just a kid)
The answer was no and while I wasn’t interested I did give her the money and asked if she would look after my friend…..but she couldn’t tell him I paid. She had to let him think she was just really impressed by his “Club etiquette”.
Hearing his story of their bathroom exploits made the drive home a ton of fun and it was worth the sixty bucks!