I get told every now and then that I should have my own reality show. Personally I don’t think anyone really wants to see me go to work/watch TV/ask my wife for marital relations over and over and over but who knows. Sure I have funny interesting things happen to me….they just don’t happen often. Well one of “events” happened just the other day.
So I havent been feeling so good for the past week. Had the Sweating/Sneezing/Coughing/Fever/Flu quintuplet and it really knocked me on my ass. I have been trying to work through it and treat myself with over the counter meds but this past Friday I felt worse and decided to go to the emergency room to get this looked after.
I get to the hospital and wait and wait and wait.
[fast forward 12 hours]
So the Doctor tells me he is admitting me to the hospital and I will probably be staying 5 days or so. When I ask why he informs me that I have all this stuff that we hadn’t discussed during our time together and I start to question him hard since I have a bad feeling that there has been a mistake here. The Doctor continues to defend his decision and tells me that the “only reason I am being kept over is to receive fluid because I was dehydrated”.
[fast forward 2 hours]
I get dropped in my room and bad feeling I have is getting bigger (or badder). Within 30 mins there is a nurse telling me that they need to check me for infection by taking an anal swab. Me being a smart ass (get it?) and because I was tired, hungry (they refused me food for 12 hours) and frustrated I start having an internal argument with myself about saying things that either make no sense or just may get me killed (as you will read in a second).
So as the nurse is getting her specimen I want to say (and I have no reason why) “You know…I usually pay extra for this.” but chose to keep my mouth shut.
Once I am settled I decide to let the person in the room with me that I am not a person to be messed with. There is really no need to do this but a long time ago I read a book about what to do if you find yourself in jail (I read this before going to overnight camp).
SO how did I do this?
Well in polite conversation with my Wife I told her that my bed is about as comfortable as the time I pulled a deuce at Millhaven. (Yes this is what happens when I have no food or drink for 12 hours…I pretend to be an x-con……or an international spy) Normally this would be taken as a joke except for the fact that my roomie then opened the curtain and he was either someone who has spent real time in the clink or just someone who has devoted their life to being the absolute best “extra” for TV or Movies filmed in prison. He had it all…muscles, tattoos more muscles and yes more tattoos. He looked at me and just closed the curtain again.
Ok so back on track……The upstairs Doctor came in and told me he would be looking after me. We chatted and he explained to me what the downstairs Doctor ordered and to my surprise it didn’t match anything that I was explained downstairs.
This freaked me out
I explained my concern to the doctor and the nurse and even showed then that there were orders to give me blood thinners and no fluids as well as two different kinds of the same medicine (something that the upstairs Doctor admitted was strange).
[fast forward 2 hours]
At this point I am starting to feel better (without any treatment I should add) and have decided that I am not going to sign myself out. My level of confidence was low and I had a fear I would wake up to some person writing “Good Leg” in sharpie on my leg.
I explain to the head nurse that I would like to go home. This apparently is a big deal because I was then visited by three people telling me I can go but they don’t want me to etc. I explained all my concerns and the misscommunications and the person in charge asked me flat out…..
“What do we need to do to get you to stay?”
Now if this was a reality show I would’ve said something cute like “Private Nurses feeding me Grapes” but this was real so I said I just wanted to go home.
I was given a release form saying I couldn’t hold the Hospital responsible for anything because I refused treatment. I signed the form but not without crossing out the part about me refusing treatment and changing it to “Going Fishing”
This whole experience really opened my eyes to why being a Doctor is called Practicing Medicine….it is because some are really “practicing”
p.s. BTW I am feeling OK. I am seeing my Family Doctor and everything will be cool!
P.S.S. Merry Christmas everyone!
After long discussion I was finally allowed to walk out 16 hours after I first got there.